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For those of you who have not heard, we have moved to AZ! Ever since Owen was born, Howard has been searching for a new job. Fry's was not very understanding about Howard taking his FMLA when Owen was sick and we felt that our family needed a change. Well it has finally happened. Howard took his time and carefully chose a job that would best suit our family and its' future. This also meant relocating to be closer to family in AZ.
Although Howard and I were lucky enough to meet in Dallas, we never really felt like we fit in and had talked about leaving from the very beginning. All we would ever talk about was how much we wanted to leave and never look back. Now that this has become a reality, it has not been as easy as I once thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, I am not a fan of Dallas in the least but I have made many memories in the 5 years that I lived there.

I met Howard-we were both working for Fry's and it was fate or a fluke or something wonderful! It all fell into place and we ended up together in Dallas.
I married Howard-even though we didn't technically get married in Dallas, Vegas actually, we returned to Dallas and started our marriage there. We made 5 years worth of memories there.
Our first home-we just left our first home which we both adore. Again, many memories were created there.
College-although I spent my first 3 years of college at NAU, I finished in Dallas. It may not have been the best experience but I did make some great friends that will hopefully be lifelong.
Owen-Howard and I began an amazing journey with our first born son. This may be the most memorable experience because it also lead to so many other milestones. Ever since we had him, we have established roots in Dallas. We met amazing people in the CHD community, both from medical staff and other families.

All of these events and experiences have made Dallas a very real and important part of my life. I would never have predicted that when I finally left Dallas that it would be so hard. It was so difficult to take apart my home. Picture by picture, each piece of furniture was a part of my life with Howard and now with Owen. It has been very emotional. Leaving wonderful friends, some that I have known for only a short time but feel like they are family. It still has not set in that I will not be calling these friends to hang out this week or anytime soon. I miss them so much.

It is going to be a real adjustment for me and for my family. We will be adjusting to a new and familiar house, since we are staying with my Mom until we find a place of our own. We will have to begin to find new doctors for Owen and for ourselves. We will have to find and create a new community of friends and adjust to missing our friends back in Dallas.

Everything has happened so quickly that I have to keep reminding myself that this is real and we are not simply on vacation! it is so surreal. I feel like this is the best move for my family and everything will continue to fall into place. I just have to figure out the best way to adjust and move forward without forgetting all of the great things the past 5 years has brought to me.

V<3

Quote

"I realize then that we never have children, we receive them. And sometimes it's not for quite as long as we would have expected or hoped. But it is still far better than never having had those children at all." - My Sister's Keeper

I just finished reading this book, it was a very good book, hard at times. This quote jumped out at me as soon as I read it and I had to dog ear the page and make a notation. This is such a familiar perspective. Little did I know that yesterday was also the day a heart kiddo had died. I had been following her story through her mother for the past couple of months and she was not doing so well. Then, I got the call that she had passed during a procedure yesterday. Living in this world of CHD's never gets easier. I watch Owen in amazement everyday that he is a heart kiddo and a very lucky one at that. We just gratefully celebrated his first year of life. Sometimes I have a personal pity party because my son was born with a CHD. Then I am reminded at how very lucky I am. Owen is doing well and by all standards is healthy. He is a daily reminder that I need to never take him or my life for granted.
People keep telling me and other mom's that have heart kiddos or even lose their heart kiddos that it happens for a reason. This is so very difficult for me to accept. (Especially after watching a show where a mother who did crack for her first trimester gave birth to a healthy baby...grrrr) Of course, I get the big picture and everything that Owen has taught me already but why in the world did this happen to MY baby and why are people losing their children everyday?!
I also recently had a conversation with some moms and one in particular mentioned that her daughter, who is a heart kiddo, will never have children due to her condition and expected life span. This is not something that she should have to worry about or carry with her. Her daughter is 2!!!! Everyday these children amaze me and everyday I am bombarded by feelings that life is not fair!

I am so very lucky to have a community of heart moms around me to keep me sane and give me perspective on this new life that I will now lead. Of course it is unbelievably hard at times but I no longer have a choice in the matter. Owen will always be a heart kid and he will always be my heart kid and I would never change that! He is the little man and monster that he is because of everything he has been through and I am the mom I am because of that as well.

On a much lighter note.....Owen has been clapping! I have tried and tried to get him to clap and he pretty much refuses. Then, about three days ago he started! Tonight Howard said he wouldn't stop! He is such a stinker:) He seems to only want to do things when he is ready. Not because we showed him or asked him, only when he wants. He is so strong willed! Love it!!!

V<3

Mr. Onederful

Well, it is official! My little man has turned one!!!!! At times I cannot even believe we are here already. It is almost as if the first 10 weeks of his life never happened or happened to a different sick baby. Owen is completely out of control now and his new nickname is "monster!!" He is crawling faster than I walk! He has taken a few steps too, but always resorts to what he knows best! I think he will walk soon because he always wants to be put down and he tries to take steps more and more! He is not talking just yet but still gets his point across by grunting! This is definitely not my favorite but we are working with him. He refuses to sign and just stares at me like he knows exactly what I want him to do but is refusing on principle:) (Reminds me of his Daddy)

For his actual birthday, we had a party for him in AZ. We had lots of family and friends and many he had never met! It was an amazing day. This Sunday we will celebrate his 1st birthday again with friends here in TX.

Our trip to AZ was so much fun and I finally got to meet my 7 month old nephew, Johnathan, who was just too much fun and was super kissable;) I also finally got to meet Owen's future wife, Analee, who is 2 weeks older than Owen. Owen had so much fun with both of them and hopefully we will see them very soon. I knew that I missed living around family but this trip has made it that much more apparent. It was so nice to be around my Mom and siblings but also my Aunt and Granny were such a big help too. Howard and I even had a date night for an entire night! The help is definitely a bonus. Maybe someday we will live near family again.........

V<3

Living in Holland

A very close friend of mine posted an interesting story on her blog and I wanted to share it. It is a great analogy for having a child that isn't "normal." It really makes a lot of sense and may help people to understand what the experience is like.

by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this:

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans: the Coliseum, Michelangelo's David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills – and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy ... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you many never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

This just made perfect sense and I could totally relate! I even read it out loud to my husband and got a little choked up! It is a very interesting journey to say the least! But I would not trade it in for another child, Owen is so amazing and he is the person he is because of everything he has and will endure. Sometimes it is easy to get overwhelmed and frustrated but tonight when I was rocking him to sleep it was clear to me how lucky we are to have such an amazing little man.

Owen is getting better from his cold that I gave him:( He is still a bit congested but he is still as active as ever!!! It seems that he loves to climb on EVERYTHING, even us:) He is close to walking as well. He will take a step and then fall to the ground to crawl. I think he does this on purpose because we always watch, holding our breath in anticipation:) I just hope he starts to get back into the routine of putting himself to sleep. As much as I love rocking him and cuddling, it is time consuming and I do not want him to get used to it. He does so well on his own so hopefully this will pass with the cold. I really am enjoying the cuddlebear Owen!

Well, we are getting closer to our trip and I am getting more and more excited! We will spend time with some friends before we leave and then Sunday is the big packing day:)

V<3

Less than a week!

It is less than one week until we will be traveling to AZ! Howard and I have not been there since May of last year for my brother's high school graduation and our baby shower! This will be Owen's first trip. It will also be his first birthday party! I am so excited. Owen will meet his Great Granny and Auntie Rose for the first time. I will meet my 6 month old nephew, Johnathan, and my sister will see Owen for the first time since he had his surgery. This is a big trip. I will also meet my best friend's daughter for the first time and she will meet Owen. My other best friend Shannon will also meet Owen for the first time. We have family coming in from PA and Howard has friends coming in from CA that he has not seen in at least 5 years! This is a bit overwhelming all of a sudden, only because I am a crier!!!! I will be a mess this entire trip but at least they will all be happy tears:) I will be there for 2 weeks but I know the time will fly so I am going to have to remember to savor every single day!

The last time we were in AZ we had a great trip, maybe our best up until that point but there was also the anticipation of Owen's birth and what that would bring into our lives. This trip is all about celebration and I cannot wait! It has been such a hard year and it is time to celebrate how far Owen has come and how far our family has come.

I have been planning Owen's party and I cannot decide what the theme should be. I wanted Monsters because he is such a monster lately:) There isn't anything really cute except Sesame Street monsters. Owen does love Elmo, well at least the intro song, but then I revert back to making the theme more simple. I will figure it out and it will be great!
Howard has created a slideshow for Owen's big day and I cannot wait for everyone to see it. I cry every time I watch it so it should be fun:) Howard did such a great job on it, it is perfect!!

V<3

Blog Bandwagon!

I have hopped on! My good friend Samantha started a blog for me and I never got around to trying to figure it out. I read a lot of other blogs and thought, "what the heck!" So hear I am! I guess it is about time since Owen is about to turn one and he is getting cuter and bigger by the minute. I can hardly keep up!

Speaking of O! He is going to walk soon, he is so close.....he tries to take steps, at least it seems like it. He is also going to talk soon, I think! He grunts A LOT! It drives me crazy but I am glad that he has begun to communicate what he wants, okay more often what he doesn't want! I try to get him to say words but he just looks at me like I am crazy!

Well I am off to bed for now. I need to recover from a cold that has kicked my butt the last few days! Luckily, my bro is here to help so I can rest, thanks Dinho! I will add more as I learn, so stay tuned for pics and maybe even videos!!
Vanessa<3