Quote

"I realize then that we never have children, we receive them. And sometimes it's not for quite as long as we would have expected or hoped. But it is still far better than never having had those children at all." - My Sister's Keeper

I just finished reading this book, it was a very good book, hard at times. This quote jumped out at me as soon as I read it and I had to dog ear the page and make a notation. This is such a familiar perspective. Little did I know that yesterday was also the day a heart kiddo had died. I had been following her story through her mother for the past couple of months and she was not doing so well. Then, I got the call that she had passed during a procedure yesterday. Living in this world of CHD's never gets easier. I watch Owen in amazement everyday that he is a heart kiddo and a very lucky one at that. We just gratefully celebrated his first year of life. Sometimes I have a personal pity party because my son was born with a CHD. Then I am reminded at how very lucky I am. Owen is doing well and by all standards is healthy. He is a daily reminder that I need to never take him or my life for granted.
People keep telling me and other mom's that have heart kiddos or even lose their heart kiddos that it happens for a reason. This is so very difficult for me to accept. (Especially after watching a show where a mother who did crack for her first trimester gave birth to a healthy baby...grrrr) Of course, I get the big picture and everything that Owen has taught me already but why in the world did this happen to MY baby and why are people losing their children everyday?!
I also recently had a conversation with some moms and one in particular mentioned that her daughter, who is a heart kiddo, will never have children due to her condition and expected life span. This is not something that she should have to worry about or carry with her. Her daughter is 2!!!! Everyday these children amaze me and everyday I am bombarded by feelings that life is not fair!

I am so very lucky to have a community of heart moms around me to keep me sane and give me perspective on this new life that I will now lead. Of course it is unbelievably hard at times but I no longer have a choice in the matter. Owen will always be a heart kid and he will always be my heart kid and I would never change that! He is the little man and monster that he is because of everything he has been through and I am the mom I am because of that as well.

On a much lighter note.....Owen has been clapping! I have tried and tried to get him to clap and he pretty much refuses. Then, about three days ago he started! Tonight Howard said he wouldn't stop! He is such a stinker:) He seems to only want to do things when he is ready. Not because we showed him or asked him, only when he wants. He is so strong willed! Love it!!!

V<3